

On the way home from work the next day, Mom stopped at a pet store and bought a guinea pig. For example: I wanted a dog, a whole dog, and nothing but a dog. There was no point in suggesting anything else.

Sometimes a person only wanted one particular thing and that was it. Her problem was just that she thought too laterally, too outside the box. A guinea pig can’t learn tricks, or run alongside your bike, or play Tug-of-War, or scare away intruders. Seuss story.) Step aside and find another way in-a different door, or maybe a window. Don’t beg someone to open it, or sulk or whine, or say the world isn’t fair. If a door is slammed in your face, don’t stand there banging on it. I’m sorry, sunshine, Mom said, patting me on the shoulder. He had always been a pretty naggy, fussy guy, with all his lists of why he didn’t like this or that, but being at home all the time had transformed him into Super Insane Fussy Work-at-Home Dad Guy. Which was why he nagged me about my dirty clothes. That meant that not only was he home, like, 24/7, but also that he did most of the housework. He had taken a new job as an editor for a golf e-zine. My dad started working at home a few months before. Your dad is the one who would be with the dog all day, she answered. Her job was mixing paint at Try Your Best Hardware. So I didn’t see how it could hurt to bug her about it again when she got home from work. Take that, Dad!īut I don’t want to wait till I’m grown up. Then I will have the greatest, awesomest dog that ever lived and Dad won’t be able to do anything about it. Let’s face it, I will never get a dog, not as long as I live with Dad in this clean, quiet, boring, stupid house. Smelliness is only one of Dad’s reasons why I can’t ever have a dog. Are you capable of keeping a dog free of grime and stench? Do you have that skill set? You can’t even remember to put your dirty clothes in the hamper. Who wouldn’t want one?ĭogs are filthy and smelly, Rufus, Dad said yesterday when I asked him for the jillionth time why I couldn’t have a dog.

They protect you and your family from intruders. They play games, like Fetch and Tug-of-War and Frisbee.
